


Untitled Goose Scenario

by Chibitami



Series: Requested Scenario Collection [8]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:20:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22728307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chibitami/pseuds/Chibitami
Summary: A goose finds its way onto the Thousand Sunny.
Series: Requested Scenario Collection [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1577755
Comments: 3
Kudos: 53





	Untitled Goose Scenario

**Author's Note:**

> freezestime on tumblr requested: "Hello! May I ask for headcanons involving the strawhats crew and an annoying goose a la Untitled Goose Game?"  
> I haven't actually played UGG, but I've seen a decent amount of it online so hopefully this is close to the hijinks the goose gets up to in the actual game.

Nami was the first to notice the goose wandering through a hallway. It seemed harmless enough, just waddling through the ship…but where had it come from? Maybe Sanji had gotten it when they’d docked to get some groceries? He’d never gotten live animals to cook before, though. Before she could yell for Sanji to explain why he’d make such a weird purchase when he could’ve just gotten the meat, the goose flapped up to her and snatched away her Clima Tact with its beak before quickly waddling away! Nami ran after the goose. “Hey, get back here, you stupid bird! Oh, now I hope Sanji cooks you!”

The goose burst into the library, where Robin and Chopper were reading together. They jumped at the sudden sound of the door opening and stared at the unexpected guest. “That’s…" 

"A goose?” The two pirates stared at each other, then back at the bird. “Chopper, is that Nami’s Clima Tact?” Robin got up and slowly approached the goose to avoid startling it. Before she got too close, the goose bit down on the Clima Tact and blew Robin back with a gust of wind from the weapon. Chopper got up to help get the Clima Tact back, and started chasing the goose all around the library while it kept sending out gusts of wind; books began flying off of shelves and soon the library was a total mess. The goose made its way out of the library, and Chopper helped Robin up to her feet before the two of them ran out to find out where the goose had gone.

Sanji was used to having birds in his kitchen, but they were usually cooked. You can imagine his surprise when a live goose made its way into the kitchen where he was making lunch, and where Brook was having a cup of afternoon tea while reading a newspaper. The goose smelled the delicious meal that Sanji was cooking and spat out Nami’s Clima Tact; it jumped up onto one of the kitchen counters and loudly honked at Sanji. He flinched in surprise and whipped around to see a live goose staring at him. “What the hell–” “HONK.”

Brook looked up from his newspaper and noticed the goose. “Oh, a seagull!” he mused. “It must have flown onto the ship for a short rest." 

Sanji pointed a spatula accusingly at the bird. "Brook, are you blind? That’s a goose! And it’s dirtying my workspace!” He waved the spatula around to goad the goose into leaving. “Go on, shoo! Get out of here!” The goose cocked its head, snatched the spatula out of Sanji’s hand, and spat it out onto the floor. “ **HONK** .”

“Don’t you honk at me, you damn bird! If you don’t get out of here, I’ll pluck you and make you tonight’s dinner!” The goose, unmoved by Sanji’s threat, flew into the air and knocked over a few pots and pans stacked neatly by the sink. Sanji jumped up to grab it, and Brook got up to help capture the mischievous bird. The goose flew around the kitchen, knocking over any ingredients, cookware, and other objects in its path. It finally landed in Brook’s afro and began playing with random parts of it with its beak.

“Aaaah, Goose-san, please get out of there!” Brook pleaded frantically, reaching up to grab the goose with his bony fingers. “It takes a lot of time to fix my hair…” The goose bit one of Brook’s fingers and continued to play with the afro. Sanji grabbed an apple that had fallen to the floor and threw it at the bird to drive it out of Brook’s hair; the goose dodged the apple and jumped off of Brook’s head, and flew out the door leading to the main deck. Sanji ran to the stove he had been using to cook and quickly turned it off before chasing after the goose, and Brook followed behind him (while trying to smooth out his hair as he ran).

On the main deck, the rest of the crew was relaxing and enjoying the sunny afternoon; Usopp and Franky were happily chatting, while Zoro and Luffy were napping in the shade. The calm atmosphere abruptly changed when the goose, and the Straw Hats that had encountered it, all ran out onto the deck at the same time. Chopper pointed at the goose with one of its hooves. “Look, there it is!" 

Nami put her hands on her hips. "Hey, it doesn’t have my Clima Tact! If you ate it, I swear I’ll–”

Sanji and Brook tried to tackle the goose, and it jumped out of the way. Frustrated, Sanji threw his spatula at the goose. “You ruined my kitchen, you stupid bird! When I’m through with you, you’re going to wish you never hatched!”

Franky and Usopp watched the spectacle before them, confused as to what was going on. “What the hell, why is there a goose on the ship?” Usopp asked. 

Franky shrugged. “Maybe it was flying around and wanted to hitch a ride?" 

Usopp shook his head. "I guess but…don’t geese live in fresh water? How did it get all the way out here?” His eyes widened. “You think it’s an enemy in disguise? Maybe it’s a Zoan Devil Fruit user!”

Franky and Usopp joined the others in trying to catch the goose, and the commotion woke up Luffy. When Luffy saw that his crew was on a wild goose chase (literally), his face broke into a grin. “Hey, there you are, Goosey!" 

The goose turned towards Luffy’s voice and waddled towards him. Luffy held out his hands and to everyone’s surprise, the goose flew into his outstretched arms. "I was wondering where you wandered off to,” Luffy said. “Guess you got bored taking a nap and wanted to check out the ship, huh?” The goose let out an affirmative honk, and Luffy laughed.

Sanji crossed his arms. “Wait,” he said slowly, “You knew that goose was on the ship?”

“Yeah,” Luffy replied with a wide smile. “He’s my pet!" 

The rest of the crew stared at their captain in disbelief. “Where did you find that goose, Luffy?” Usopp asked suspiciously. “If it just appeared out of nowhere on the ship and tried to get close with you…It could be a Devil Fruit user in disguise, trying to get your guard down!” The other Straw Hats narrowed their eyes at the goose, ready for the potential enemy to attack now that they’d been revealed. The goose stared at all of them, opened its beak, and…

“Hooooooooooonk.”

Luffy snorted and shook his head. “Nah, he’s not a Devil Fruit user,” he said. “When we were docked this morning, I saw him swimming around on the beach and playing with a bunch of crabs! He would’ve sank under the water if he had a Fruit, right?” Goosey nuzzled Luffy’s neck and playfully nipped at his chin. “We hung out for a bit, and I didn’t wanna leave him behind when we set sail. So I took him on board with me!”

“And you didn’t think to tell us that?” Chopper huffed indignantly at Goosey.

“I was,” Luffy replied defensively, “But I got tired and fell asleep out here. I figured you guys would see him with me and you’d know he was my pet, but I guess he woke up before me and Zoro and got bored waiting for us to wake up.” He shrugged and rubbed his face against Goosey’s feathered cheeks, and Goosey let out an affectionate honk.

"That little feathered monster’s been causing havoc,” Nami spluttered. “It stole my Clima Tact–" 

"It ruined the library!”

“It destroyed my kitchen!”

“It made a nest out of my hair!”

The goose stared up at Luffy with beady eyes, and Luffy stared at him accusingly. “Oi, Goosey, did you really do all that?” The goose nodded and let out an affirmative honk. Luffy laughed and scratched under Goosey’s chin. “I’ve only been asleep for a little bit! You got into THAT much trouble while I was taking a nap?" 

"Luffy,” Robin said gently, with a slightly stern tone. “I understand that you like this bird, but as its owner, you’re responsible for what it does. You have to keep it under control!”

Luffy nodded firmly. “You’re right,” he replied. He wagged a finger in Goosey’s face. “You’re gonna have to get punished. Hmmm, I’m getting kinda hungry…Maybe Sanji should cook you, to teach you a lesson!”

Goosey let out an indignant, nervous honk. Luffy smirked and rubbed his pet’s head. “I’m just kidding,” he said. “You may be a delicious piece of meat, but you’re my pet first. Buuut…since you caused trouble, you’re can’t go off by yourself for a while. You gotta stay with me, even if you get bored.”

The goose bowed its head and let out a small sullen honk as if to say, “Fiiiine….” Luffy scratched under its chin again, and Goosey playfully jumped up to pinch Luffy’s cheek with its beak. It pulled and stretched Luffy’s face, and Luffy laughed again as he played with his pet. The rest of the crew watched their captain play with the goose, and marveled at the two of them; Luffy was one of the most chaotic forces on the sea, and with how much trouble his pet had caused, it seemed like he and Goosey were a perfect match.


End file.
